Potentially Charlotte

The main thing that keeps me from realizing my true potential would be the fear of failure. I don’t have enough confidence in my abilities, and I therefor don’t try new things because I am worried that I won’t be successful at them. I can remember many times that I’ve sat back and not participated in an activity, or contributed to a discussion simply because I was afraid that I wouldn’t ‘measure up’. There’s no reason that I should feel that way because I haven’t had allot of occasions that resulted in failure, but the feeling just creeps up on me. I would think that my potential should be unlimited to an extent, because the times where I have put my heart into something, I have been successful.

In life, all I really want to do is be involved in the movie making industry, working behind the camera in editing.  The only dilemma to this is I feel it is impossible for me to get there. Being an “average” student these days, and the idea that I can’t get into any universities, is engraved into my mind. I feel that there are far brighter students out there, so why would they choose me over someone else?  But, in fact, I have as great a chance as others to get accepted places. I know that I’m just scared in all honesty I just really don’t want to receive a rejection letter. I’m sure if I put my heart to it that I can achieve great things. Also the practicality of things, it would be extremely difficult to get into a big name Hollywood production industry. I feel that it is not possible for me to achieve my goals, and follow my “Arnie”.

The reason why I will most likely ignore my dreams, and push them aside for a while, is because I feel they are unrealistic. I feel that everyone should always have a “retarded” part of them inside because without it where would we be in life. We would be all following the same structured life that we’re born into instead of following our dreams and hopes. If I could speak to my inner “Arnie” I would tell myself to keep trying to reach for my goals and desires in life and to not give up easily. I would tell myself to continue to dream, and to follow those dreams.

From a existential perspective, I am allowing my individuality to be created by my belief that I have to be responsible, and make responsible choices as determined by society.  I am ruled by my fear of failure; the failure I might encounter if I follow my dreams, rather than choosing according to what is the responsible path in life.

 

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